"No, really. I'm fine."

             I am a good liar. I really am. Ever since I was a very young girl, I could lie with the best of them. I admit that that isn’t the best talent to have, but it does come in handy sometimes when the truth is just too difficult or hurtful to explain. It comes in handy when you don’t want to give away some kind of surprise for somebody. It comes in handy when you don’t want to hurt someone by telling the truth (“No, honey. Your butt doesn’t look fat in those pants. I love your curves!”) Most of all, it comes in handy when you are hurting and you don’t want others to know just how much you are hurting. I always answer people who ask how I am doing by exclaiming, “Great! How are you!?”, but lately I have noticed my answers have gotten shorter and less enthusiastic. In the past when someone asked, “Hey, how are you doing?” I would reply, “Great!” As time passed, that “Great!” turned into a “Good!” The “Good!” eventually became an “Okay.”, and now I am sorry to report that I now respond to people with a lackluster, “Eh, it’s going.” “It’s as good as it’s going to get I suppose.” “I’m fine.” Last Wednesday I didn’t even respond to the question at all… instead I completely deflected the question and moved on with the conversation. 

The truth is I hate when people ask me how I am doing. I really feel like, “How are you doing?” has become more of a salutation in America than a sincere question, and most people who say it don’t really listen to the answer the other person gives. Sure, they hear the answer, but they don’t really listen. Sometimes I think it would be funny to really tell the asker exactly how I am when he or she asks… how long would they put up with my rambling before they assured me that they never really cared in the first place? I am suffering right now, and I know others who are suffering too.  Am I asking for a pity party? No. I don’t want pity… I don’t want pity, sympathy, money, or any other type of charity. All I want is for people to stop looking through me. I want them to talk to me instead of at me so that I don’t feel so invisible all the time. Have you ever felt like you were just floating through life, going through the motions one at a time in order to feel like you were the same person you once were? That’s where I’m at right now. I don’t really need anything, but sometimes I wish people could see the hurt in my eyes that I know has been there this past year.  Sometimes I think I’d feel better if someone would just acknowledge the fact that I am not okay. I am not fine.

Elder Ronald A. Rosband of the Presidency of the Seventy talked about the importance of recognizing the pains of others and acting on those recognitions. 

“If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well-meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all. We continue to learn the important value of being aware of and interested in the lives of those around us, learning not only the importance of giving help but also the overwhelming joy that comes from helping others.” (Special Lessons, April 2012)

I am going to try my hardest to be more in tune with how the people around me are doing these days. More often than not we get so involved in our own lives and wrapped up in our own emotions that we forget there are people all around us who are struggling to keep their heads above water. What can we do for them? Try asking them how they are doing and then listening to what they say back to you. Don’t let them tell you that they’re “fine”. It’s a lie. People who need something as simple as a shoulder to cry on are just yearning for someone to say, "You're not fine. You can talk to me." Listen to them. REALLY listen, and before you walk away from that person, make sure they are more than just “fine.”